Has Individualism Gone Awry?

The following thoughts have come from my research on shyness and that of others, as well as my observations at the Stanford Shyness Clinic. They were first presented in a talk to the Western Psychological Association on April 15, 2005. I realized that they might be a good framing for some preliminary results of my interview study of shy leaders. Those will follow. I am hoping for a dialogue that will help us all to think of the adaptive qualities as well as the challenges of shyness. Every one of us has a temperament to manage, whether more or less outgoing, more or less impulsive, thoughtful and reflective. Most importantly we all must develop our strengths, and also develop behaviors that may be less natural, but that are important for skillful behavior in the world. We need to understand, however, that negative stereotyping of shyness in the U.S. creates a problem for normal shyness, that doesn't need to be changed.

Does shyness become a clinical problem because our society currently does not appear to value sensitivity, and cooperative and collaborative vs. dominant and aggressive behavior? I think this is a large contributor to shyness becoming a problem. It was not considered a problem in the first half of the 20th century. Shyness, particularly in males, is now negatively stereotyped in the U.S. Shy males are seen as not dominant enough, particularly in terms of traditional models of manhood. Shy females are stereotyped as traditional homemakers, not as achievers, which is fine, if that is the choice women make, but how much will they aspire to achieve outside the home if they face those stereotypes?

When someone is less competitive and more concerned about others’ evaluations, look at their motives and values as well as their behavior. They may have a value system that celebrates collaborative and communal behavior, and they may honestly care about how others feel, beyond simply being worried about how others will evaluate them. They may internalize responsibility in pro-social ways. That is, if someone is upset or distant, they may want to know if the person is offended or hurt or struggling. Pro-social behavior and sympathy toward others has been seen early in life in shy children according to Nancy Eisenberg's research.  And, if shy people are concerned about evaluation, it can easily be related to the negative stereotyping of shyness in the U.S. Such negative stereotyping is, in great part, fueled by companies wanting to sell drugs to by pathologizing people with particular temperaments that are very adaptive, but not idealized in our culture. Claude Steele, at Stanford University, reveals that negative stereotyping can actually reduce the performance level of equally talented people, in comparison to the people who are not being negatively stereotyped; and that affirming the self and acceptance can increase performance. Paul Davies, Steven Spencer and Steele showed that the glass ceiling is reinforced by gender-stereotypic television commercials that persuade women to avoid leadership positions, but that providing "identity safety", that is seeing female role models reversed the effect.

I do not see many behavioral deficits in the social fitness groups at the Shyness Clinic. When people are accepted for themselves they demonstrate skilled social behavior. Phil Zimbardo's Prison Study at Stanford University showed us that we can make anyone shy, anxious, symptomatic, even terrified. Studies of terrorism and torture have made that point horrifically. The Shyness Clinic has shown me that problematic avoidance and discomfort is significantly reduced when people role play challenging situations, and that even the most socially inhibited, given the right conditions, will show us what they know. That is, reveal skilled and interpersonally effective behavior. They just need an accepting environment. Previous studies by Jonathan Cheek at Wellesley have shown that shy students who were not being evaluated did equally well on creative writing tasks as the non-shy. A pilot study I conducted with Len Horowitz suggested that shy males were better listeners than non-shy males when not under evaluative threat and told to just be themselves, but, due to small sample sizes, more research is needed in this area (in case any of you budding researchers want to conduct it).

Some people see shyness as an individual "disease". I see it as a societal problem, a constructed problem. It is our problem. When human vulnerability is denied, people go underground, don’t participate, and we lose valuable human resources. Some clinicians see shyness as a disease, a belief encouraged by drug companies. I see a culture in trouble and a lack of fit between an adaptive trait and a culture that does not value the trait.

We need to focus on and nurture the strengths of those who are shy, starting in childhood in our schools and families. We need to focus on their strengths when they come to therapy. We cannot afford to lose their participation in our democracy. Upwards of 60% of recent college student samples reports being shy. When a trait is that common it has to have adaptive qualities, particularly in a world where global collaboration is has never be more essential, in order to save the planet. Philip Zimbardo's research and his book, The Lucifer Effect, Understanding how Good People Become Evil, show us that everyone is vulnerable to potentially becoming a terrorist and a torturer, and that any of us can be bullies in small or more horrific ways. All these ways are damaging to all of us.

Shy individuals may be the leaders we need most right now. They tend to lead not for the spotlight, but because they care about about a cause, want to get something done, or care about a principle. I see them as our reluctant, socially responsible leaders of the future. Jim Collins (From Good to Great) called people like this “level five leaders”. They successfully guided companies through times of intense change and challenge. True courage means we do things in spite of being afraid, while remaining true to our basic values and ethics.

I admire the following quotes, both by shy men:

The future depends on what we do in the present.
Mahatma Gandhi

Try not to become a man of success but a man of value.
Albert Einstein