New York Times article: Shyness: Evolutionary Tactic?

Dear Friends,

An article appeared in the New York Times on June 25th, 2011, called Shyness: Evolutionary Tactic? by Susan Cain. It is another in a series of great articles drawing attention to the strengths of shyness and a shy temperament, what the author describes as a "careful, sensitive temperament." I want to draw it to your attention because the article is a piece in a growing number of articles and books that debunk ordinary shyness as a mental disorder and mentions again the role that pharmaceutical companies played in the 1990's in pathologizing shyess in order to sell SSRI's. Remember Christopher Lane's book, Shyness, How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness. If you haven't read it, it is a great book. Apparently Susan Cain has a book coming out as well on introversion, which is often associated with shyness.

I use Social fitness, too, as an evolutionary metaphor, also based on the idea that shyness is adaptive, and thus has survived. We all have temperaments to manage, with different strengths and vulnerabilities, and, because social interaction is negotiated between people there is not one set of perfect social skills either. We learn by accepting each other as we are and giving each other feedback about what works well for us in social interaction and what we can do to make our interactions better. I have long believed that shyness is a valuable trait, given my experience at the Shyness Clinic where I observed so much adaptive, considerate, thoughtful behavior toward each other in groups. Clients would tell me they needed to learn social skills, but when they weren't nervous and distracted by automatic thoughts, or very concerned about being negatively evaluated, most showed highly skilled behavior.

Given that only around 2% of college students say that they have never experienced shyness, and between 50% and 60% say they are shy currently (see Bernie Carducci's research) it certainly seems that shyness would qualify as an adaptive trait. In fact, I believe, along with many emotion theorists, that shyness is a basic human emotion, a blend of fear and interest, that we all experience. I also think that because human vulnerability is finally becoming a topic that is more openly discussed in the U.S., and because we are beginning to accept the idea that we all are shy sometimes, particularly when things are important to us, and that we cannot be intimate if we are not vulnerable, that we all may begin to be able to disarm and truly value and appreciate each other.

Have a good day!

Another helpful resource for shyness

Dear Friends,

Here is another helpful resource for those of you struggling with self-blame and shame as you try to reach out to people and do things that scare you. It is called A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction workbook by Robert Stahl, Ph.D. and Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. You can purchase it from New Harbinger Press or through Amazon.com. It was published this year.

The reason I mention this book, as well as Steve Flowers' book in my last post, is that these books directly target the negative emotions that we can struggle with when we feel shy. This stress-reduction workbook is not targeted at shyness per se, but includes many helpful exercises. As an increasing body of research is suggesting that mindfulness practices help to reduce negative emotion and increase well-being, the practices may be worth cultivating if they appeal to you and if you find them helpful. You will find overlap with Steve Flowers' book, and some differences..

I did a practicum training with Dr. Stahl in my efforts to develop a module for our shyness groups that will help people balance their emotions while working with shyness exercises. I found his work compelling and his training very helpful.

I would also like to hear any feedback you have as to what helps and what doesn't in your own exploration of resources for shyness. You can email me at clinic@shyness.com.

A helpful book for shyness

Dear Friends,

This is a brief note just to let you know about a new book for shyness that uses mindfulness techniques to help with the negative thoughts and emotions that trouble us when we feel shy. I think the book will be very helpful to those of you who struggle with shyness. I've included Steve Flowers' website and ways you can order it if you like. It would also be great to know how you like it (or any other shyness book for that matter) in order to help us see what helps and to continue to improve our own shyness work.

The Mindful Path Through Shyness Book Description:

Research shows that chronic shyness has core components
of self-blame, private self-consciousness, shame, and
resentment. These mental habits operate automatically
and often unconsciously, but by bringing mindful awareness
into these cognitive and emotional states, it is possible
to regulate our attention and emotions. The Mindful
Path Through Shyness helps readers who struggle with
shyness and social anxiety begin to notice the mental patterns that
cause feelings of isolation and take steps toward change.
Readers will identify the origins of their shyness and learn
how shyness and social anxiety has increased by avoiding social
situations and dwelling on feelings of self-consciousness
and shame. Readers are then are provided activities and skills drawn
from Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and Insight Dialogue,
including mindfulness meditation, interpersonal meditation, yoga
and simple exercises that can help you overcome fears and judgments.

Available at www.mindfullivingprograms.com.
New Harbinger Publications, 1-800-748-6273 / www.newharbinger.com
and, in Canada, from Raincoast Book Distribution, 1-800-561-8583

Nominate shy leaders

Dear Visitors,

I am looking for stories about people in your community who are known to be outstanding leaders who are also shy. I am collecting them for a research project. If you are a shy leader I would also be happy to hear about you. If you know a shy leader or if you are a shy leader, please email me at clinic@shyness.com. You can also post any stories about shy leaders here.

Thanks very much for your help!
Lynne Henderson

Research studies at Stanford University

In this post I just want to let people know about a series of studies at Stanford University. These researchers are studying people's thinking patterns when they are socially anxious or depressed.

Ian Gotlib is a researcher in the psychology department at Stanford who has been studying these patterns for a long time and is a strong and frequent contributor to the scientific investigation of depression and social anxiety. It is a worthwhile experience for participants and a way to contribute to the science if you are interested. His description of the studies is below and a flyer follows his description.

In our studies of depression and of social anxiety, we are
investigating why people diagnosed with clinically significant
depression or anxiety exhibit difficulties or biases in their
processing of emotional information, particularly when they are in
the midst of a significant depressive or anxious episode. We are
trying to understand exactly how these ways of thinking might
precipitate and maintain or prolong depression and anxiety.

Participants come to Stanford to participate in a two-hour session
which involves an interview and completing some questionnaires. We
then usually invite participants back for additional sessions in
which they complete computer activities and possibly have their
breathing rate, heart beat, skin response, and muscle movement
monitored. Many participants will also have the opportunity to have
an fMRI brain scan and receive a picture of their brain. We pay
each participant $25 per hour.

And this is what is on our flyers:

"Do you avoid social situations for fear of embarrassment? Has your
fear of social situations interfered with your life? If so, you may
be eligible to participate in a research study examining how
different people think, or process information. To be eligible for
this study, you must: be a woman with a consistent, strong fear of
social situations that causes you anxiety and interferes with your
life, be in good physical health, be between 18 and 59 years old, be
a US citizen or non-citizen with a Green Card, read and speak
English fluently, have no immediate plans to leave the Bay Area, and
have not participated in this study before. Eligible participants
will receive $25/hour for their time."

Shy small business owners?

It occurs to me that there may be people who know successful shy business owners, who might be willing to describe them or brag about them a little. I think it is a great way to swap strategies as well. Thanks in advance for your input!

Shy small business owners?

Would any of you shy small business owners be willing to write about your experiences in running a small business? Does shyness get in the way of pursuing your goals? If so, how do you work with it? How has your shyness been a plus? What do you think are the strengths of shyness in running a small business? I'd really appreciate hearing your thoughts, if you'd be willing to share them.